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A New Year Ramble

Rebecca sitting forward in her wheelchair
Image Description: Rebecca, a white woman with long brown hair, wears a green, blue and yellow velvet long-sleeve top and yellow trousers and shoes. She is sitting forward in her power chair, resting her head on her left arm. Behind her is a white wall.

Dear Reader,,

Last week I wrote something on Instagram about not living up one’s expectations put your own. This time of year there is such an emphasis on starting a fresh and ‘bringing the best version of you’, but what if you don’t want to do that? Or feel fine as you are? Or just think that whole thing is just a bit anxiety provoking?  There is so much hype around a ‘New Year, new you’ and comes with an intense pressure for self-improvement, but if we’re honest this whole fascination with newness is just temporary-so why do we do it to ourselves? We are already are dealing with a lot navigating this human experience, so why burden ourselves with these unnecessary thoughts?

When I returned to writing after a few weeks off, I felt a bit distant in relation to this. I’m unsure why. It felt like the weather reflected my mood. It was grey and wet. I felt grey and a little like Ms Misery Guts. I did the exact opposite of what I wrote in this post and I thought about how I ‘needed’ to just to be a lot more than what I am, to do more-what? I don’t know but there was a hovering question mark that I just couldn’t bat away.

I then did something which I never do, what all the creative greats say never to do: sat and waited. Literally. I waited for an idea to come to me. I don’t even know why on earth I did this. I know this is not how this process works. In a speech that Elizabeth Gilbert gave years back, the way that she described the act of making art translated to me as a union between the person and creativity-defining creativity as separate to the person-. The person and creativity both playing a part, both working together to produce something. So by me sitting in front of my laptop not really trying, the ceremony of creativity was never really going to commence, not putting myself in service mode and doing my part. I was holding myself hostage, not allowing myself to dance with creativity. I was looking in from the outside about the fascinating wonder and vibrancy of this activity and just yearning to be part of it. All the while forgetting and overlooking that I am a part of this process and so in order to feel the buzz of creativity, I need to work for it- more accurately work with it!

This hard focus on creativity, throwing an internal tantrum hears a voice full of doubt and kidding oneself out of what it is that there doing, and it makes it feels like the cogs are stubbornly stationary- the solution?  I don’t know if there’s one big solution. I think it’s more about trial and error, being gentle and keep going-something that perhaps at that moment feels a bit difficult to do. 

This perspective could perhaps be extended to other aspects of life. Most of us have this incessant need to get things right and it can prevent us from enjoying what we’re doing too. Again there’s no quick fix. Though I do think that it again by just doing little bits and not getting hung up on the idea of perfection and go with our gut perhaps we can breakthrough this.

I guess the point of this post is to say just take your time and try not to be pressured or think that you need to live up to some sort of expectation. Do things your way and not in the way that you think how things should be done. And finally don’t let sense of New Year trick you in to thinking that you have to change something, because you really don’t.

All my love XX

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Come in and sit down…

Image description: Lots Bluebells in a wood and tall trees in the background

Dear Reader,

It’s way over a month now into spring now, with a whole season having past with my beloved angel in the sky.  The feel and the sense of loss hasn’t grown old, it still feels fresh.  I’m not sure if its rawness will ever fade. I don’t think it can. I would like to think that it is how we remember and keep alive those who have gone before us, that can give a sense of comfort and that they are in a some way still around. This is a note that I left on last time I wrote on here.

If you have read my blogs before, you may have noticed a slight emphasis I have on time. Time is something that I think a lot about. Whether it’s thinking about what time give or steals, how we occupy  time, how we wished time was like, the longing to speed time up or down, the memories that time has given us, the imaginations  which we experience if time had gone in a different direction and thinking about how we want the future time to look. I started this blog post saying how we have entered the next season in the year and what this have meant for me, with a huge absence being felt, that has come with it lots of reflection and trips down memory lane.

A few weeks ago I shared on Instagram the tongue twister that Dad used to say “Come in and sit down and don’t be outside looking in at the people inside sitting down looking out.” This was one of the things that kept coming back to me. It was one of his favorite things to say when I was a child. I remember laughing as Dad would say this phrase at such speed, trying to keep up with what was being said as I framed this in my mind. I always knew what was coming when he would start this tongue twister, “Come in and sit down,” taking a slight pause before he would  say the rest, though I would always be captivated as to what was to come next. I think this is why this memory is soo vivid because of how joyous such times were.

I have recently given more thought on what this tongue twister could actually mean, looking more closely at this phrase. For me it asked for division to end, or to start to close this gap. To stop looking on. To stop judging others. To join others. To sit with others.

When people see others who are different from themselves, they can cast them as outsiders and treat them unfavorably. They stand on the outside passing judgement, without getting to know them yet simultaneously thinking that they know everything about them.  They have listened to the stereotypes and words that have been associated with this difference and run with it, without ever getting to know the person and challenging their views. Here, I am talking about disability and the way that disabled people are seen-because that is what I have experienced and is something that is close to my heart.

It has been considered okay that disabled people have been viewed in this way. On the back of this, disabled people have had to fight to be seen, protest for their rights and, in one way or another, prove their humanness (even though we really shouldn’t have to). Sometimes though this is still not enough, as people have a hard focus on what they have been taught.  They are maintaining their distance, unwilling to let go of out of date/never in date ideas, looking through a metaphorical window from another room. Meanwhile we are over here pent up with fury and frustration at such judgment, wanting  to smash down that window and whatever is reflecting back at them and ask them just to dump the prejudged ideas that they have and to get to know us.

Now more than ever, this idea of disability needs to be removed that sees disabled people as less than, which could prevent adverse behavior from taking place.

Keeping the momentum going on spreading disability awareness, however hard it can get, is crucial in order for change to happen. On them not so easy days and going under a shell feels more comfortable, this is when we need to resist from hiding and say what is on our minds.  The reminder of Dad’s tongue twisters has been a massive pull for me, especially on them wobbly days.  It made me stronger and awake to do what I can to raise the rights and equality disabled people however big or small-to make passing judgement less of a thing. To encourage others to listen to what is being said. To create thinking points for others that makes them ask ‘What if it was me?’.

So, as Dad would say, come in and sit down and don’t be outside looking at the people inside looking out.

All my love XX

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Untitled

Sunset in a field, with the sky shades of blues, pinks, oranges and yellows
Photo taken by @mairead.may
Image description: Sunset in a field, with the sky shades of blues, pinks, oranges and yellows

What am I thinking? I don’t know what to write. My thoughts are even obscure to me. Am I being to personal? Too impersonal? Finding words too distance to capture my mind.

Since the passing of Dad in November, it’s has been an incredible challenge to write any thoughts. It’s as if the craft I known that gives me a sense of solace and releasing nature has somehow faded, as I find it ever harder to form sentences and orchestrate the right words. All feels too out of reach. Too foreign. But here I try to piece together some reflections, some which may be a little disjointed in places.

People say so casually, ‘Life is too short.’ ‘Life is too short’ to self-persuade to make that purchase on them beautifully decorated jeans that you keep day dreaming about. ‘Life is short’ as a bid to talk yourself in to a day off from the daily hustle and just retreat in something that gives pleasure, rather than just doing it anyway. ‘Life is short’ to banish the guilt spindle that your mind plays when you reach the end of a crisp packet. ‘Life is too short’ when you try to put out the fire over the woes you have as you try to look at the bigger picture, or try to convince someone else too to worm your way out of something. ‘Life is too short’ is said in response to just about anything to reduce ambivalence or fear over something.

But life is too short. A snap shot of time that we experience. A period of time that we forget to cherish. A time that its fragility is only made known when we have witnessed the gut-wrenching truth of this once fleeting statement.

As I write this, I wonder what Dad thought of time, how he perceived it, what he would have done differently and what he wished to do. Life and time did not play a kind hand to Dad. From a young man Dad had Multiple Sclerosis, in which consumed more and more of him over time, time that became not his own.
Dad was a proud strong Irish man, a man of the hour: whether that was in his young days and pulling tug of war (I was told that team players were always excited when Dad was in their team as a win was likely a guarantee), or rounding sheep, or, a little late, making our house a home with his initiative mind, or just feeling safe in his arms when I would crawl excitedly over to him, as a child, when he came in from work. It is fair to say that when I went to him panicked that the cover of a favourite book had become detached from its spine, it was a doddle for him fix. A strand of cello tape later and he would say with a proud smile, that he could alleviate that panic I had, “As good as new” as he handed me back my book.

This strong character is something Dad will always be known for by myself, my family and just about everyone who knew him. Time took away a lot of things from Dad, but strength was not one. He would put up the toughest fight no matter what came his way. This is one of things that truly want to honour and keep alive- the sense of focus and determination he had- as I go about my days.

The aftershocks of Dad’s passing will be forever felt, as myself and the rest of my family try to navigate this huge space that has been left. There are so many things I want to say to Dad and will want to in the time before me. Finding comfort in little things has been something so soothing. Comfort in thinking what Dad might I have said. Comfort in thinking about his laugh. Comfort in signs to tell me that he’s nearby , like the sight of white feathers or seeing robins (his favourite birds) or a blue sky or a rainbow or the moon (when I was a child I would always ask him to take me out to see the moon before bed). Comfort in memories and sharing these with others, keeping him forever alive in some way.

Loss is an inconceivable thing and something that will always feel in this vein. It is so very hard to think that I am here writing this post. I guess the thing that I can only say here is that if you are experiencing something similar, of a loss, I hope you can find comfort however small it may be.

XX

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Keep Your Passion Alive!!!

Dear Reader,

Let me start of by saying how sorry I am for being off the blogging radar this month. Writing to you is something I, wholeheartedly, hold dear, being able to write to you is refreshing, knowing that I will hopefully be understood by and connect  with you due to the platform you are meeting me and I am meeting you on; both having a passion for word and a love to explore thoughts and feelings.

BUT this does not explain my silence on From This Window this month, nor would any excuse. But what I can say is that you have not been forgotten, I promise you that. While I haven’t been sharing with you thoughts, I have been planning posts for the coming weeks, which I am very excited to share with you. I think at times we all need space to grow and sometimes that may mean taking a step back, in order to seek clarity of your direction. I guess my reason for writing this post is to say not to lose sight and hope of your passions, keep it close and to remember it is a part of who you are- exercise that passion like it’s a muscle, in any way that feels right for you!!

I won’t be too far away- doing happy dance of excitement to write to you again already!! Wishing you had a wonderful October and enjoying autumn.

Remember, my fabulous one, to live well and be happy!!

All my love XX

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Autumn Sunshine

Photos in this post were taken by my beautiful sister, she can be found @thewanderingmermaid_xox

Dear Reader,

This time of year, many of us experience the all to common and perhaps overly thought ‘summer blues’; long hazy days are shortening, day trips in the great outdoors are more depended on ‘weather permitting’ and if we do decide to go we make sure we have an umbrella or a coat or something warm or anything we think we might need ‘just in case.’ We think the best and brightness days of the year are mostly behind us, wishing for summer to come back sooner than scheduled!!

But can I let you into a secret?? As well as summer I also love autumn! There is so much excitement in a new season; different things to do, different pace of life (maybe you have exciting things coming or may it time for you to have a little peaceful recline), different atmosphere. More noticeably nature shows us how change can be so very wonderful; the colour of the leafs turning from vibrant green to golden brown and shades of purple, the fresher, the fresher air making you feel more revitalised, the crunchy sound as you walk on the many fallen leafs on the footpath and you being an expectant witness of an elegantly falling leaf as it finds its place on the ground. The latter imagery of autumn may bring about an air of sadness and of loss with the idea of things ending, but, like everything, there is ALWAYS a flip side; falling leaves demonstrate the need for something new.

2017-09-28 12.47.49_1506599446887

The above quote beautifully captures a definition of autumn and connote that it does need to be so melancholic: nature, like humans, is a process of continual growth, shedding those things which do not serve this growth in order for more flourishing acts to take place-for nature this means developing its hypnotising colours ready to display them in spring and for humans this means developing in our strengths so that we can radiate our vibrancy. So autumn acts, metaphorically, as a backdrop for personal growth. Identifing the things you need to let go of is diffcult, thinking those are the very things that will keep you safe but actually they are keeping you captive. What is it you want to develop? What is it you need to let go off in order for this growth to take place? The next time you take an autumn walk and see leaves fluttering in the air think of the things you want to let go of and imagine they were the very leaf that passed you by. Breathe and let go. Enjoy the autumnal landscape and all the beauty it has to offer!! Redefine YOUR autumn!!

All my love XX

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Here’s to you! Here’s to me! Here’s to us!

Dear Reader,

A big congratulation to you for making and experiencing another day!! You, me and the rest of the world were put on this very planet for definite, unique and individualised reasons; some of us know why and soaks up all of what that path has to offer, some of us know why but refuse to believe the reasons for their existence, some of us do not why and carries the weight of the ‘puzzling’ world on their shoulders and  then there are some that do not know their reason for existence but-to hell with logic-they dance in the moment.  I’d like to think that currently I am living somewhere in the last category. I definitely don’t have a mapped out plan of ‘where I’d like to be in five years’ time’ nor do I want one because that would be freakishly scary and kind of boring; seriously where is the excitement in knowing what kind of job you’ll have or where you’ll be in the world or what relationships you’ll have- everything is always changing anyway! I wasn’t always and am not always the chillaxing-to-the-max kind of girl; I always needed or wanted a plan knowing which paths I should take and which ones I should dodge. When I first appeared not to have a plan I freaked out, thinking, panicking ‘what now?‘ But I was still alive, I had people I could talk it out with, there was opportunities- or I had opportunities if I was to open my mind-, an0d I had me!!

Within all this internal roaming and frantic search to mute the bellowing siren which was going off inside the mind, I forgot how far I’ve come, what I had and how just to be. If I’m honest I think most of us go through these moments, moments that interrupts and halts a carefree day.  But as soon as this white noise aims to overtake, starting to play with your imagination and predicting the future- a future that is a fable because it is not here yet-, stop the racing thoughts and reflect.  Reflect on you and what you have achieved. Think back to those times where you have proved can’t wrong and have gone out there and TOTALLY ACED IT! This is by no means easy and celebrating yourself could sound a bit alien to you- it did to me too- and a little egotistical- it did to me too-but you and I are the only ones who allow ourselves to pursue and accomplish our set goals so it only makes sense for us to give ourselves a well done. This could mean that you faced a day where you wished you could have skipped over- you got through it, you survived: high five; the wishes and visions you had-you are now putting into practice: high five; those who said “you can’t”-  you did: high five; the unhelpful thoughts that were planted in your mind- you have let go of: high five;  you know that no one in the world is like you AND because of that the world has been waiting for you: come on, let’s hug it out!!!

You may have read my posts before (a huge thank you for coming back!) and therefore might know that I have something called Cerebral Palsy (a condition affecting muscle coordination). So some of my achievements have been to do with overcoming the physical challenges CP faces me with, trying to strengthen my mobility so that I can be as independent as I can. More achievements relate to personal goals, being determined not to be thrown off by anyone or anything or even myself! This comes in the form of facing fears, fulfilling my passions and finding my own voice. These triumphs are reminders to keep calm when things are a bit blurry.

As I have said before, thinking about your own accomplishments is hard and it is very easy to deny yourself of your worth, saying “I got nothing.” But I bet you got an ocean of amazements inside of you!!  I bet I’m right! How small or big you think your accomplishments are does not determine its credibility or worthiness of celebration. It’s about YOU and what YOU have overcome! Anything that’s fills you with excitement, anything that makes you jump for joy, anything that makes you feel alive, matters!! I hope that as you read this, you have thought of things that you have overcome please hold on to them for now and for always.

All my love XX

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Midnight Whispers

Dear Reader,

Lights out.

Duvet draped over my body. My feet are cold, gently rubbing against each other to seek warmth. This motion slowly breaks down and stops. My right foot is slightly in front of the left, my right leg slightly bent. My legs begin to feel weightless, as the sink into the bedsheets. This feeling travels up my body and grows ever more floppy, retreating from concentrated movements throughout the day. My neck feels light. The soft pillow cups my left cheek as my head tries to take refuge in its comfort. I listen to the growing silence. My eyes grow heavy, and I begin to drift into the darkness of the night

Then. My door greets a familiar knock. It the sound of the night’s sinister friend. They charge in and stir the quiet mind, my eyes awake. I know and I do not know this unwelcome creature. I know their manner. I know their boldness. I know the darkened tone of their dialogue. I know their insistent beg for attention. I know their convincing ways and their ability to enchant others into their manipulative thinking. I know their ability to instil fear in others and their excitement when the see others’ mind being defeated by their dread. I know their quick disappearance when they have done their work for the night, leaving their company filled with anguish. But I do not know why they have knocked on my door-do they have no friend? I do not know why they have picked this small hour to rock up. I do not know why they are filled with such misery and why they wish to burden me with this- I was perfectly at peace with the night. I do not know why they revel in pushing someone else’s panic buttons. I do not know why they have gone out of their way to highlight and magnify the unsolved. I do not know why they then like to leave when they have my undivided attention.

This nocturnal creature places themselves neatly on the edge of my pillow and prepares to give tonight’s sermon, calculating how to uproot the foundations I build to keep them at a distance. They then start.

“You thought you got away tonight. You thought you and the night were harmonious. You thought the night would allow you to drift to your sweet dream. You stupidly thought that finally you and the night were friends. Well, may I remind you that the night has allowed me to come. You have allowed me to come. I have been watching you from afar today…. I am here to tell you of the things you did wrong and keep doing wrong.”

I turn onto my right side. Silence resumes.  I pull the duvet and tuck it underneath my chin. My eyes start to feel heavy once more. The relentless creature continues; their voice grows louder.

“I am still here, just because you have turned you back on me does not mean I turn will my back on you. You have been careless and carefree. Too careless and carefree. Today you have ignored your weaknesses and stopped them from keeping you safe, I wouldn’t like to say what this has meant. But because- I am your friend, I will tell you and because I want what best for you, I will tell you. Today you thought strength was your friend and thought they showed you a good time. They showed you a glimmer of what they are and what you could be. You played well for a while but the pretence- it showed. You cannot be that because that is not you and you are not that. Eventually, they will find out and they will leave. And not only them but the people around you, they will see who you are and what you are not and will leave too. Although you won’t be left completely on your own, I will always be here-just listen. I am here to keep you safe; to keep you from self-destruct.

I take out my left hand from underneath the duvet and clinch the duvet close to my chest. I ruminate: “Who was I today?” “What was I today” “That was not me” “What must I have looked like?” I continue to wander to the corners of my mind I would rather leave undusted, but this cruel, twisted creature has lead me into their safety and, on the contrary, my weakness “maybe they will help” I think.

“Ah I am glad you have joined me- I knew you would,” they say with delight. “Today has been a dream tomorrow you will face your reality, your harsh reality. The reality you have created. The reality you don’t want. But because strength is your foe and fear is your friend, you will keep sitting on a ride unknown and retreat from moving. This is correct for you, you are the perfect spectator and one with great imagination- just let that be you.”

Their piercing words, their harsh tone and their sense of rescue in their voice characterises them as some kind of omniscient creature, who is here to direct me. However instead of shining me into the light, this creature has leaded me into a darkened wood, leaving no signs where to place my steps. These dreaded thoughts that I have met up with again seem to soar, just like those towering, giant trees in the wood. I grow wet with sweat and feel my racing heart- I have fell into the menacing creature’s trap once more; each time finding a more darker corner, leaving the mind paralysed in thought. I hunt for their refuge. They have turned their back.

My restless mind surrenders; my eyes fall shut.

All my love XX

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Big From Small Ways

Hello Readers,

I know it’s been quite some time since I last wrote to you, and for that I am sorry. I managed to, somehow find myself lost in my thoughts, as people do from time to time, and somewhat lost focus of what I was writing; when that happens, how can one then inspire others?

Words are not just words. Words lead to the arrival of emotions, the trigger of thoughts and the onset of behaviours. Even though words have global definitions, I believe words are also individually defined by the very people that speak them. Every one of us feels, thinks, visualises and expresses words in different ways. Therefore it is stunning when one can speak such words that they do not truly mean! How can one separate their feelings from their speech? Do they visually see words and feel what they could imply?  Or do they perceive words as simply a collection of letters that do not encompass any depth? In order to write effectively, one should write through thoughts, not just to fill a blank space that affords writing. From one tiny word, one’s perception of what they are reading or writing about can change in a flash. One may not consider how a word can have such significance, being ignorant to the fact that small ‘things’ hold much power, perhaps greater power, than the entities that create such noise yet holds little substance; the smallest ‘things’, become the biggest and are no longer just ‘things’ anymore. So words would no longer be words. Words would be thoughts. Words would be feelings. Words would lead to actions.

Small ‘things’ are not just found in words, but in daily life; a person’s smile to make your day  brighter, a thoughtful gesture that someone else made to alleviate some the weight you struggled to carry today or maybe a magical moment in nature happened while you were in its environment. However as you were running late, had a careless attitude today or were still thinking over an argument you had- you later forgot, you  did not return that kind smile of the person who you passed on the street that you now wished you emulated; you snapped and disapproved of your work colleague’s help that you now yearned for and wished you showed your appreciation; you dashed past the trees that you now longed to meander by and look up and watch the miraculous autumnal coloured leaves fall so elegantly and quietly to the ground. We often lose sight of the things that brings kindness, joy and a sense of weightlessness to our lives, which would perhaps a shift our focus from our internal world.

Go back over your day: do you now think ‘I should have’? Did you miss an opportunity to experience someone’s kindness? Did you ignore a helpful suggestion? Were you ‘too busy’ to be a part of was a beautiful scene? When you wake up tomorrow, what will you do differently? Is there something small you could do for another? Sometimes to be brave doesn’t mean to do something completely extreme, but simply to go a little outside of your comfort zone. You could be the reason why another person smiles. So stop living inside yourself!

All my love XX

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Authority and Me Before You

Hello Readers,

Recently, I have watched the incredibly emotional film Me Before You. This film open minds, bends stiff ideas and leaves you with one (or lots of) tears. I believe sharing my thoughts on this particular film is important to express. Like a post I have written before, regarding a film, I will write about Me Before You in relation to a theme that it so elegantly illustrated, and that is authority. Authority, in this film, shows that you can be the master of your own destination, if you have a little believe. This was demonstrated by both characters that I wilI write about. I would like for you to read this with an open mind and to remember nothing is ever ‘black and white.’ Feel free to comment any thoughts you may have on this!!

So much, if not all, of society is controlled restricted and overruled by a superior force, in one way or another. This could be in the form of the government, teachers/people we seek advice from or your parents. Sometimes the sense of authority can make you feel ‘safe’, providing you with assurance that your life choices are accepted agreed and Okayed by a figure that you admire. With reassurance given it motivates you, consciously or subconsciously, to succeed even more in the decisions that you make. This sense of security that comes with authority could, however, be so overbearing that one is left trapped, finding themselves in an unrequested life, unable to grasp hold of the steering wheel of their life, simply be a passenger on route to a unknown destination. But just because you are answered with a dismissive glare and hear the stomach-churning, two letter word ‘NO’ do not mean you cannot find your own way. You can create your own key to open the lock!!

The film, Me Before You, follows the story of Will; a man who once was a young highflying city banker with a zest for life and had a love for travelling was left paralyzed following a motorbike accident. He was back living with his parents in a place he described “That people come to when they get tired of actually living.” Will’s life, post-accident, is a total contrast from the way he found his way in the world; from being completely independent, and in control of his destination to having to ask for assistance with every little movement and having it authorised by another person.

Will’s story merges together with the life of Lou. A young lady with a quirky personality, trying to earn money for her family, but finds herself unhappy in every job she takes. She is living in the world not truly knowing which way her life is headed. Lou then applies and is successful caregiving job to a young man, who just happens to be Will. In her first few  encounters with Will, he appears to be shut off and very closed minded to the idea of any sort of companionship with anyone including Lou; the personalities of both theses character could not be more different, with Lou always looking at life with ‘the glass half full.’ Will’s bitterness is highlighted when he says to Lou “What if I said I didn’t want you here?” to which she replies “I’m not employed by you, I’m employed by your mother.” Here we see the lack of authority Will have; the director of his life lies with someone else.  However Lou’s raw honesty to Will about the effect his pessimism on others “making….life…miserable” that results in his company “not being particularly enjoyable,” allows him to see another’s perspective and that others have difficult times too. From this moment in the film Will’s cynicism begins to fade, letting a relationship with Lou blossom. They both learn things from each other that would otherwise be an unknown territory if their lives did not pave the path that it did; from Lou’s perspective being magnified, enabling her to find a deeper meaning of life that she craved for, and Will’s ability to look beyond stereotypes and find true beauty in people, stepping out of his comfort zone. Both of these characters could be said to play a ‘teacher’ role to each other, one teaching the other vital life lessons.

This beautiful relationship between Will and Lou that makes them re-define the word life plays a deep importance in both of their lives. However for Will what he desires for is unattainable, Lou learns of Will’s wish to end his life; not wanting to endure anymore of the endless physical or emotional pain he experiences every day, as a result of his disability. In the hope that he will change his mind and see that “life is  worth living” Lou establishes and make come alive Will’s dreams, dreams of traveling, going to concerts and being part of activities that he enjoyed as what he termed as the “Old Will.” But even in times of joy, Will is reminded of what he yearns for; after He and Lou drive home from concert Will says “I just want to be a man who’ve been to a concert with a girl in a red dress, just a few minutes more” in reply to Lou’s comment “we better get you in (both still sitting in the car).” He still has to ask to do things in order to experience just a fraction of his desired life, which would perhaps be otherwise left unsaid.

Both characters show that some they can gain or regain power over their life. This is firstly demonstrated by Lou and her ability to persevere with the cynical temperament of Will when they both meet, showing him the light amongst the darkness of his perspective. Throughout the film we see Lou’s sense of self blossoming, being able to stand up for herself and not having something or someone else have power over her. Secondly Will regains his ability to be heard and respected. This is first demonstrated when Lou expresses the effect he has had on her when she tells him “I have become a whole new person because of you,” indicating that he have the abilities to change people lives, even if it is unconsciously.  A second way in which he regains authority is by having the final say on the direction of his life. Although Will is tried to be convinced that he could still experience life and fulfil his dreams, he wants to experience those things as the “Old Will”; he is still wishes to die. After six months of when he first shared his wish with his parents, he makes his final journey to Switzerland whereby he ends his life. This was solely Will’s decision and a decision he persisted with. Even though people who authorised the way he lived was in disagreement, Will got back control of his life and directed it in the way that he knew best.

All my love XX

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A Beauiful Retreat

Hello Readers,

Being outside is one of my favourite places to be-out in nature. The reason why? It is the most peaceful place to be yet so many tremendous things happen. I would like to take you on a small journey and share my thoughts with you! Along with words I have also included some photos to please the eye!

Stepping on to a path follows a journey of tranquillity that allows one to experience unexpected and unimaginable beauty of nature.  Enjoying a leisurely stroll, breathing in the fresh air and listening to the rustle of the leaves as they skip along the ground, the birds singing a sweet lullaby as they innocently perch on the branches of trees and the gentle whisperings of a breeze as it moves across the grass; it is a moment of complete enjoyment. I marvel at the fecundity of the landscape and all the vibrant colours of the wild flowers that sit on the bank of the clear, still lake which reflects the outline of the few clouds that are in the deep blue sky.

Out in the open space whereby there are no distractions, no roaring of traffic, no rushing, continuity between man and nature can be found. Just like when the calmness of lake is disturbed by passing ducks causing temporary ripples in the water, on such walks one’s mind can wonder interrupting the retreat from the busy, urban life- when suddenly a small, interesting insect flies past-nature have captured the mind’s attention once again. This journey is one of surprise and excitement everywhere is something of excitement and of newness-no two steps are ever the same: different insects, different colour birds, different views. Thoughts of intrigue and amazement are ever present when I discover another treasure of the outside world.

Being outside can sometimes be taken for granted; not completely switching off from our own world, freeing our mind to absorb the surrounding beauty which would perhaps be ordinarily left unnoticed. Adventures in nature are uniquely refreshing allowing a new or renewed enjoyment of the outside world to be gained, growing new perspective on past or present events, or simply giving a ‘feel good’ energy from being outside. With this rejuvenated sense of self, one is ready to return to city life and close the garden gate, at least for another while.

I hope you have enjoyed this journey,

Until next time,

All my love XX