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A New Perspective of New Year

Dear Reader,

Wishing you, my dearest fabulous one, a very Happy New Year!

The start of a new year has a tendency to connote expectations and in turn induce pressure to live up to these. This is where our friend fear makes an appearance and dances upon joy, which should be soaring at the prospect of a new year! We hear chatter of ‘new year resolutions,’ spoken half-heartedly not because they are lying but because somewhere deep inside they are questioning themselves: “Will I be able to fulfil this resolution?” “How long will this resolution last?” I have done this. I have done this sooo many times. I said I would do this, this and this and by the end of the month most of my aims, if not all, would be inactive. I then might feel like a fraud to myself and go down that rabbit hole for a while. Then I might think ‘oh new year just sucks.’ This is a sequence of events that have been repeated several times, until one year I this skipped to the last part and completely forgot the beauty of a new year!

I recently read how we get a brand new year totally for free. A- HA! YES! BINGO! Finally it has clicked I thought! I interpreted this as going back to being grateful and thankful for the opportunity of seeing a new year! We have a whole year to fulfil our wishes, create our own magic and evolve into the person we want to be, developing in our strengths! We can do all this without setting New Year‘s resolutions and chiding ourselves for not doing the thing that we think we should be doing! So what if you have a bad day; as much as it would be a brilliant to be a go-getter every day, we all have dips of motivation. But that does not mean that you have failed, or that you should give up, or that your spark has gone forever, it just means you need to rest and retreat in another love to reset your mind for a while.

If you resonated with my first thought of the idea of New Year, thinking it was something to be feared doing a negative introspection, please I ask you now to stop this. Stop wishing your year away and remember the beauty that maybe uncovered in the year ahead. Who knows what this year could bring you?

All my love XX

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The Gift of Breath at Christmas

Dear Reader,

It is so unbelievable that I am writing a Christmas post to you again- I am sure Santa’s sleigh just touched back down in the North Pole! Ok, you got me, I might be a bit of a secret believer – but I did think that that last time that we spoke we established that the possibilities were endless?? 😉

Anyhow!! How are your festive preparations going? Are you ready? Have you done all your shopping yet? Have you got many things crossed of your list? What’s left? Do you know where or how you are spending Christmas? And what is the dish of that day? Wow that time is ticking so fast, are you sure you will be prepared in time?..Oh, and how are you??

Mmm, sound familiar. This is the sound of panicked voices, voices that cries the need for perfection, voices that are carried by the wave of Christmas mania, voices the have not learnt to breathe yet! This time of year can be a complete carousel of emotions, thought and behaviours, all feeding into and maintaining one another only speeding up more and more; the vision of everything else becomes blurry, or is seen in only one way. This can be also applied to anytime of the year. These voices have been listening to this tune and anything else that has made them participate in pass the parcel; they have yet to listen to themselves and the things that really matter. I think we are all guilty of this at one point or another, whether we meant to or not- you included so put down your ego hat, it’s not that warm anyway. I know I have been caught in this trap; I have moments where I think won’t get things done on time and spend an equal amount of time thinking how I can work around it and in the mix of it all, I forgot what I should rather be doing. If we were all to take a breath lose focus on what we are focusing on and find our focus in what our intentions are, how would this change?

My focus would be to make sure I am doing things with happiness and pleasure, without pressure- being wholehearted in what I am doing will have more of a positive impact, rather than doing things just because-. My focus would be to participate in things that would only aid my development and allow me to feel alive. My focus would be to be grateful for all and who I have in my life- life is far too precious, do things and speak with love-.

This Christmas remember the true meaning of this season, of goodwill. Think of others who may be less fortunate without judgement as you do not know their story; even if you are not in a position to help, just by thinking of them and wishing that they will seek comfort can go a long way. Smile at a stranger who you pass by, it might be the only smile that they will receive today. Go forward with gratitude and allow yourself a moment to enjoy your own company!

This year my lovely Sister is running a campaign to raise awareness of Mental Health, a cause which is close to our hearts. My sister has designed and made chokers, which can be found on her online shop, with 50% of the profit of every choker sold going to the U.K. charity, MIND. This time of year can be hugely challenging for those with poor mental health and can trigger lots of negative thoughts and feelings. MIND work tirelessly to provide resources to support those who are struggling with their mental health, which can be even more testing over the Christmas period. Each and every penny that is donated will go towards helping maintain their fantastic services they provide and will allow them to reach more people who are in desperate need of help. More information about this cause and how you can get yourself one of these chokers will be can be found here.

I sincerely wish you peace and happiness this Christmas.

All my love XX

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A Beautiful Awakening

Dear Reader,

Have anyone ever told you that the possibilities are endless? Well, my fabulous one, the possibilities ARE endless!!!

I have recently and have experienced and reaffirmed this. This has allowed me to simply feel, in every sense of the word, alive!!! And this all started with a text. Yep, that right a text from my gorgeous Sister-who I have previously introduced you to as Mermaid-, with the words ‘the holiday is booked.’ This random, out of the blue message left me, as you can imagine, a tad confused. It turns out that we would be going to Greece and would be next to the sea. A type of holiday I have always dreamt of, but somehow I thought would never happen. Maybe I subconsciously I feared ‘how this would work?’ and with this, I am referring to traveling to somewhere like this with a disability and my wheels. I always write to you to say go live your dreams and don’t be feared out of living and I think I have been honest with this, but even I sometimes get double-thinking and question myself, until I either wake myself or get woken. This time Mermaid beautifully woke me!!!

Me and Mermaid

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Sooo, last month I saw, I felt, I smelt, I heard and (of course-this is me) I tasted Greece and it was noting short of magical!! Greece welcomed as we were touching down witnessing the most beautiful sunset –the excitement began!! The first glimpses of Greece in morning rays were stunning!!

One of the things that I love most in life is trying new things and going to different places as it constantly allows you to shift your perspective. My time in Greece definitely allowed this to happen. Just going with the days, being present in the moment and absorbing all of what the days had to offer is something I did, with my full attention captured by what I saw before me. The ability to fully be in the moment is something one should be able and allowed to do regardless of where they are; in their daily routines or in new environments. However by being somewhere new, the ability to stop the busy mind or at least, allow the mind to be a little calmer is, somewhat, easier; there are no pressures, no deadlines and there is a complete disconnection from your own culture for a while; you can just be with the environment and the people you are with.

I recently heard someone say that life is lived in moments and I wholeheartedly agree with this; for me, how you relate and behave to life is reflected in the moments you live. Therefore, the obvious question is then, how to you live your moments? Are they lived stationary? Are they lived mundanely? Are they lived repetitively? Are they lived through fear? Are they lived through boldness? Are they lived individually? And most importantly, are they a reflection of you? Whilst being on the beach, I realised just how different the definition of enjoyment is for each person and how they wish to live their moment on the beach; some relishing the rays of the sun and sunbathing, some were enjoying a walk along the beach, some were swimming in the sea, some were paragliding and some were –what looked liked- introducing their children to the sea. We all see, feel and think in unique ways and play out these senses in ways we feel fit best. I lived my moment on the beach by being by the shallows of the sea and watched the waves covering my legs like a warm blanket! The refreshing air, the sea breeze and the lovely company I had with Mermaid are times I truly cherish, being a perfect retreat for the soul!!!

As I sat there looking across the deep blue sea, I realised what living and being alive actually is. All these stories and lies we tell ourselves do not serve any nutrients for growth, it does the opposite and eats away at the ones we have. We tell ourselves we can’t, that it just too hard- but we are still picturing in our mind what it would be like to do that thing we want although ‘we can’t.’ I was able to do something that excited me everyday, unaware of what each day would bring but eager to find out how the day would unfold!! This was a long way from that subconscious thought I had! My wheels allowed me to see Greece- hugely helped by Mermaid and made me see that whatever obstacles you have, there is always a way!!

My fabulous one, you should not be feared out of your desires. The dreams that you have, you have dreamt of them for a reason-it is your duty to live them!!!Thank you to my beautiful Mermaid for this reminder!!!

All my love XX

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I Am Proud of Me!!!

Dear Reader,

A few months ago, when I posted Here’s to you! Here’s to me! Here’s to us! I asked you to celebrate you and the amazing things you have achieved; no matter how big or small you think they are, they ARE significant!! I would like to share with you something very important to me that I achieved over the last few months!!!

*Search for the little girl inside of you needed for this part.* As young girls, some of us admired the magic and mystery of dress up and make-up taking notice of what routines our mums and/or other influential women in our life undertook as they got ready. The curious little ladies that we were, would be vocal with our curiosity and ask questions such as “What are you putting on your lips?” She would reply and show us how the lipstick is applied and ask us to be their model and apply the glitzy lipstick on us, hell yes we thought-we are already in position!!! “Now press you lips together for that beautiful smooth finish” she would say after putting it on our lips, showing us this action. We would then copy with excitement and maybe do this action countless times, (yep I did this,- I’m pretty sure that lipstick didn’t stay long on!!) feeling really adult!!!

When we get older we might develop more of an interest in make-up and wearing a little ourselves, wanting to be a little woman. I know I did!  I was around 14 when I got my first powder – it was in a round, mint green box by Miss Sporty I felt so excited to try it out-the little woman in me was unleashed! As you might know, if you have visited my blog before, I have Cerebral Palsy and as part of how I am affected is that my hands can be a little uncoordinated, so me applying make-up…well you could definitely I see I had something on my face but I am not so sure that it would have been finished look I was aiming for! So to avoid looking like a clown or something along those lines, someone else would apply my make-up, this would be either my mum or my sister. I feel really grateful that that these beautiful ladies- who are my influential women of all time- took time to help me get ready and knew that it was important to me but as I got older and especially recently I wondered what it would be like to do my own make-up when going out.

So…..instead of just wondering-because we all know that don’t lead anywhere most of the time- a few months ago I thought I would try. At first I was worried in case I couldn’t do it and scrutinize what I might have done, comparing it to a picture in my mind, and be more annoyed than before with not being able ‘to go and do my thing.’ Whilst having these thoughts I then realized I am doing the exact opposite of what I say to others when they experience symptoms of fear, telling them to ‘just go for it.’ Having answered myself the question to ‘what I would say to someone else?’, I psyched myself up and decided I would just see what happens; I took out my make-up bag, sat at my  dressing table and started to apply! I started with my powder, took my time and just allowed myself to enjoy the feeling of DOING my own make-up! Now, as you know I am a big supporter of self-belief, but it is nice to seek reassurance when you are not 100% sure on something. So on this day I asked my sister for advice on how the make-up looked. It turned out I didn’t do too badly!!

From that day, I have continued to do my own make up when going out, getting better and more confident with this. The feeling of getting ready has totally changed, getting ready is definitely more fun!!! The other day my sister and I were going out and we could get ready TOGETHER, rather than my sister doing my make up for me. With this we could ask each questions, such as ‘have I got too much blusher on?’ and just enjoy the getting ready process, whilst jamming to some tunes of course!!

There might be some who will read this and not ‘get’ why being able to put on make-up is a big deal but duuuude, it is-to me it is-.  Being able to do something you couldn’t do before is a huge deal giving you such an empowering feeling-you know all thatdetermination and hard work has paid off!! Dig deep and shout your personal achievements loudly and proudly!!! You could start-if you wanted-by sharing in the comments below, what you are proud of yourself for?

Looking forward to celebrating you!!

All my love XX

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Autumn Sunshine

Photos in this post were taken by my beautiful sister, she can be found @thewanderingmermaid_xox

Dear Reader,

This time of year, many of us experience the all to common and perhaps overly thought ‘summer blues’; long hazy days are shortening, day trips in the great outdoors are more depended on ‘weather permitting’ and if we do decide to go we make sure we have an umbrella or a coat or something warm or anything we think we might need ‘just in case.’ We think the best and brightness days of the year are mostly behind us, wishing for summer to come back sooner than scheduled!!

But can I let you into a secret?? As well as summer I also love autumn! There is so much excitement in a new season; different things to do, different pace of life (maybe you have exciting things coming or may it time for you to have a little peaceful recline), different atmosphere. More noticeably nature shows us how change can be so very wonderful; the colour of the leafs turning from vibrant green to golden brown and shades of purple, the fresher, the fresher air making you feel more revitalised, the crunchy sound as you walk on the many fallen leafs on the footpath and you being an expectant witness of an elegantly falling leaf as it finds its place on the ground. The latter imagery of autumn may bring about an air of sadness and of loss with the idea of things ending, but, like everything, there is ALWAYS a flip side; falling leaves demonstrate the need for something new.

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The above quote beautifully captures a definition of autumn and connote that it does need to be so melancholic: nature, like humans, is a process of continual growth, shedding those things which do not serve this growth in order for more flourishing acts to take place-for nature this means developing its hypnotising colours ready to display them in spring and for humans this means developing in our strengths so that we can radiate our vibrancy. So autumn acts, metaphorically, as a backdrop for personal growth. Identifing the things you need to let go of is diffcult, thinking those are the very things that will keep you safe but actually they are keeping you captive. What is it you want to develop? What is it you need to let go off in order for this growth to take place? The next time you take an autumn walk and see leaves fluttering in the air think of the things you want to let go of and imagine they were the very leaf that passed you by. Breathe and let go. Enjoy the autumnal landscape and all the beauty it has to offer!! Redefine YOUR autumn!!

All my love XX

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Choose To Be Grateful

*This photo was taken by my beautiful Sister

Dear Reader,
What are you grateful for? What, in reflection, makes you thankful for the breath you are breathing?

Gratitude for the life I lead is something I have felt so deeply recently and want to share my thoughts with you! My trail of thought has been inspired by the multitude of devastation that have occurred in the world over the previous months and just this week the horrific conditions of the third world have been highlighted  once again- kindness is still in a severe drought.

We so very seldom stop and think; living in a fast paced society, trying to ‘keep up with the Joneses,’ pushing to be the best, and maybe, when our ego comes into play, try to outdo others. These primitive activities that society has created leave little or no room to think outside of our bubble, or what this bubble even denotes. So often we complain of not having enough, beginning sentences with “I wish I had,” but in fact those desirers- you and I- have hold of things others just dream of. This leads me to the thinking, and I will speak for myself here (as I don’t know your situation), how in fact I do have a luxurious lifestyle. Before you get ahead of yourself and create ungraspable, idyllic picture perhaps thinking that I’m some pompous jerk, not actually aware of what I am writing and how you may feel as a result of this-let me explain. When someone thinks of luxury and being luxurious they may associate it with having glistening diamonds, designer clothes, going to dinners at fancy restaurants etc., but in fact luxury is more to do with the ability to choose.

The ability to choose is something for I have in everyday day life. For example right from the morning I can DECIDE if I WANT to shower and with what soap, I can DECIDE whether I WANT a strong coffee OR tea and DECIDE how much milk and how many sugars I WANT, I can DECIDE whether I’ll start my day with cereal (and what type?) OR toast (and any toppings?) OR a cooked breakfast, then I can DECIDE what to wear, which could be based on weather OR the activities of the day, the day goes on I make more decisions- how I WANT to communicate with others by face-to-face OR ringing OR texting OR emailing OR through social media and what other activities I WANT to do that day and what, where, when, to have lunch/dinner. All these decisions that I make are MY choices in order to carve out the day and life I WANT.  These decisions and the notion of making everyday decisions, denotes luxuries yet I forget this way too often, luxuries that for many are unheard of- if I exchanged a ‘day in the life of..’ note with someone less fortunate than me, what  would I uncover? What would be different? Would anything be similar? What decisions would they have? How would this make them feel? What would they be grateful for?

I’m not saying that I should or anyone else who is lives a day made from a library of choices should feel guilty, unworthy or deny ourselves of the things, but we should be grateful; grateful for the environment we live in, grateful that live the life we do, grateful for the people round us and grateful for ourselves to experience the wonders our life however happy or sad as we can develop from this, allowing us to become stronger people. We were given this life to live it our way, using the tools we have; yearning for things we wished we had or that we think would make life better is ludicrous. Look within; what do you have to be grateful for? Look around you; what do you have to be grateful for? Celebrate your life and ALL you have!!!

All my love XX

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Thriving Together

 

Dear Reader,

Up until now I have only disclosed about my disability once, earlier this year. Finding My Shoes was a way of saying yes I have cerebral palsy but I am a lot more than that. I am a lot more than the results you would find on Google if you were to type in ‘cerebral palsy.’ I would be waving my hands over here hoping you’d asked me directly about CP and my experience, instead of using a one-dimensional medium to assemble a picture; this picture would be highly inaccurate-no definitely inaccurate-, sorry to insult your wild imagination.
I am going to add a new element to From This Window, sharing you my experience of CP. I’m not quite sure if this whole new element will work, or whether it will work at all, but I am excited to see how this path will unfold. I hope that through writing about my journey with CP I will be more able to speak about my disability more comfortably and maybe through this new dimension, other people with CP or with other obstacles can relate and together we can thrive; I’m all for dancing on my own but isn’t it exciting, sometimes, when achievements are shared and built with others!! Who’s with me?!!

I have previously described to you that for me CP is like a lifelong teacher, so I will now share with you some tips and tricks that I have learnt and still learning along way!!!

Laughter, laughter and, yep, more laughter. People that know me will know I love to laugh and try to seek fun wherever I can. I think this innate quality is what has kept me level headed with CP. Therefore in a situation quite easily seem bleak, which would allow them moody clouds to roll in, I try and see a gap between CP and me. So when I rock up in my wheelchair and meet people for the first time they might act rather strange, by this I mean they might speak in slow motion and being quite patronising as if they I trying to feed me I brain cell that I need to chomp on. Then I reply: It is so funny to watch their faces as I speak, as if I have just ripped up their treasured tales that they whole-heartedly believed about society. I almost tell them “yep, I have seen enough of you tonsils,” but that would spoil the fun! On a serious note though, it is these moments ,when you feel that you are being prejudge, is when you need to whack up that fun dial in your mind and take whatever shred of light you can. This extends to making fun out of yourself: instances where CP does it thing and throws in a few wobbles as I walk, I see it as a unique style of ballet (but my toes remain completely intact).I am not saying that it is easy because sometimes it is very hard, especially the days when  you don’t feel as fabulous as you should; but please remember time will past and your time is to precious so don’t let anyone  or anything influence your state of mind- remove the root of that weed!!

Stop looking for excuses. We are the best at making excuses for ourselves- we did invent it after all!! We blame anything we can as to why we can’t do something and then we believe in that blame and think that it is real and so it becomes, as we think, a legitimate reason for why we can’t do something. I hold my hand up and say I have excused myself from situations because I believed in the obstacle I put  in the way; my speech is slightly impaired and used this to hide behind and asked who I knew well to speak on my behalf. But I wasn’t giving myself the chance to let others hear me, already thinking that I knew how and interaction would pan out: I would say something but they wouldn’t understand, then I would repeat what I said but they still wouldn’t know what I was saying, meanwhile my face would grow red with embarrassment. BUT this was my prejudgment. Slowly, with the encouragement of family and other people around me I grew my voice and realised that, on the whole, most people did understand me, in turn this increased me self-esteem. There are still time when people don’t understand words I say, but then I think how else I can phrase this to be understood. If that don’t work, I then ask my companion to repeat what I have said. There are still times when this excuse tries to creep in, but then there’s a saying “if you did it once you can do it again.” If that don’t talk to my excuse, I don’t know what will!!

Get creative! This tip follows from the previous. Having a disability means that sometime you have to take an alternative route to get to where you want to go-who wants to be a sheep anyway(not that I have anything against sheep)?! So, you knock down the walls of “I can’t,” step out of your comfort zone, move your sorry butt and make it happen!!  For me this means thinking of the resources that I have and using them to my advantage. I am doing this right now by writing to you. I am combining my experience of CP with my passion of writing and motivating others and moving forward to be more honest and open with myself and others; by starting with something that is more natural to me, i.e. writing thoughts down, it could help me in others areas life and how I deal with situations. So, moral of the tip: use what you got!

Never feel guilty! Okay big, scary, deep, I-can’t-believe-I-could-actually-write-that-down tip!!! This is something I am still learning and maybe will always be a continuing lesson. As a result of my CP, I need assistance from others for everyday tasks; this reliance on others at times leaves me with a deep sense of guilt, knowing that they are giving up their time for me. I know the people around might think these thoughts are completely absurd and might even be hurt, which is not my intention at all and heighten my guilt in turn. But instead of continuing on this helpless and hopeless path, I can channel this guilt into gratefulness and being thankful that there are people in my life who help me and allow me to continue to make the most out of living!! This was very hard to write, but important to write-write out your demons and change them into helpful elves!!

Just forget about!! Urmmm…okay this might strange, giving these words half a sneer, but seriously dude, drop the resistance and just forget about it once in a while!! Whatever your challenge is you deserve to take a break from it and let something else capture your full attention! Don’t you ever just enjoy the freeing feeling of just being in the moment? Well, I love it! It‘s in these times when I am most myself! Disability is not a definition of me nor should I let it; it’s something I happen to have, just like I happen to be a girl. So I will go out and enjoy, singing and dancing the night away, I will face fears and go on cable cars, squeezing my friend’s  hand in the process (for that I am very sorry), I will go and find nature hidden gems and admire something so much more greater and magnificent than ever imaginable and I will laugh because, Reader, life can be beautiful if you just let it and just be you, the fun-loving, inexcusable, creative, guilt-free, care-free you!!

These tips that I have learnt have helped me tremendously and keeps me moving forward. I hope these tips has also caused you something to think about; I would truly love to know what you think and maybe you have guidelines of you own you live by to help you, feel free to share this too!! Let’s thrive together!!

All my love XX

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Mermaid and I

Dear Reader,

We all have special people in our lives that add that something to your life. I am very blessed to say that an extremely special person that makes life, living comes in the form of my sister. From my experience of being and having a sister, I can appreciatively say that it is a great privilege! A Sister for me is synonymic with having a lifelong friend; someone who you have known for always, someone who knows all of your quirks- good and bad- and is accepting of them and someone that is always there.

A sisterly relationship such as the one I have experience can be rare; I am really puzzled when I’m asked “So, do you get on with your sister?”  I have only one answer “My sister is my best friend.”

My sister, I will introduce you to on here as Mermaid, has such an importance in my life and makes me a better stronger and more confidant person, always telling me to ‘’go, get it,’’ when I present doubts. You know them people who make you forget your woes? – Well meet Mermaid. She has the ability to do this. With Mermaid around you are never down beat for too long; laughs are endless. Whether it’s the everyday girlie questions – ‘’What shoes go better with this skirt’’ or the more in depth conversations where we’ll go on a long drive and chat everything out, or the ‘let’s just have fun’ days, I know I call on Mermaid.

My sister and I have always been close, but as time goes by years and experiences pulls us closer together and allow us to have a better understanding of each other; it is these insights that enable us both to be stronger people and with this can encourage each other in areas we are not so great in and celebrate and enjoy other parts of our lives.

A voice of reason, a zest for life and radiance of sunshine is how I would describe Mermaid. She is such a great motivator to me and shows me just what courage can do, if you are to fully embrace it! I love Mermaids fearless  pursuit of wanting to explore the world and her countless traveling stories are so inspiring, I’m sooo excited for her travels later this year.

I believe her positive soul is influenced by her spirituality. With this, she has used her spirituality to not only empower the self but others in her life, which is a really wonderful thing. Mermaid has taught me and others so much through her journey of spiritual growth and has shown me how deeply connected we all are to the Universe. ‘’Everything you need is within you’’ as Mermaid would say.

Recently, Mermaid has started a new venture and is turning what she once saw as a dream into a living reality, setting up her online jewellery business, The Wandering Mermaids. Her ideas and creativity are simple brilliance. These authentic handmade pieces are constructed with thought, imagination and array of vibrant colours. The jewellery created captures Mermaid’s heart; fun, liveliness and love, infused with elegance. She has also displayed her mystical side by incorporating elements of spirituality in her designs. Below are some of my favourite creations Mermaid have made:

This new project is really exciting for Mermaid and I am so thrilled at how wonderfully it’s taken off. Watching her making custom made orders with so much love makes me so happy. You can also follow her journey and also request orders on her Instagram page @thewanderingmermaids

She has shown me that there are no limits, that limits are figments of the imagination and that with a little self-believe, you can do anything! She continues to me my guiding light.

I have really enjoyed sharing with you this treasured person in my life. Through writing about my sister and describing the beautiful relationship I have with her, it has made me more grateful for her existence; I truly would be lost without her. I am forever thankful for my experience of sisterhood.

All my love XX

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Believe. Then Do!!

Dear Reader,

This post will be strangely short! I just want to remind you one thing that I heavily promote on this blog, something I believe is important, to remind others that YOU CAN!!

Over the past year and a bit since I have been writing to you, my confidence and desire to share my thoughts and words with others have grown stronger; from my first post where I said to myself “Just go with it!” not realising then how important writing to you would be to me! In my writing I work hard to create pieces I hope to encourage, motivate or simply make you think- if my words are to have an effect on you. From the feedback I have got from you I think I am doing this!! You, by doing this, have told me I can!!! And with this I have taken an exciting, unknown adventure with my writing- I am now very, very excited to announce that I am now a contributor for the online magazine, In-Spire LS Magazine!! This magazine is, to me, an incredible platform that works towards empowering their readers in varied ways. It is my absolute dream come true to be a part of such a positive community and to have another outlet to share my passion! It is a reminder to have self-believe, if this only a small glimmer-hold on to it and do not let go!! (There, you have been told!! : ) ) Your hard work and dedication will serve you well!!

A huge huge thank you to you for your continuing support, it really means so much!! Without my readers, I would not have this confidence to take these risks!!

I will sign off with a quote, by author R.S Grey, that always pulls at my heart strings; I think these simple words encompass so much depth:

“She believed she could, so she did”

 

All my love XX

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A Dedication

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Dear Reader,

We all think we have time. Time to do that thing we keep putting off, sometime next week. Time to go to that place we promise ourselves we will go to, someday. And the dangerous type mistrust put in time, time to phone or message someone tomorrow. But in fact in a flash, the imagination invested into how things would be and creating in our minds the how a particular event would go, the experiences we may gain from a certain place, or the conversations we may have with someone, all is suddenly gone. Just like that. Just like that all our fantasies are left as fantasies without them ever evolving into play. Just like that all this hyped emotion surrounding anxiety and anticipation over the predicted future disappears. Just like that we find ourselves grieving over yesterday and wishing we had acted sooner. It is these ‘cold shower’ moments, which make us be in sync with our senses and in touch with where and who we are and who we could become if we were more open; if we can’t do this for ourselves, do this for what has been lost. This is a very hard concept to grasp; it can take hours, days, weeks, months or even years to realise and come to terms with what was taken by time, unable to comprehend the present. It could be something that we are able to just barely touch with our fingertips.

I had this school friend. This friend and I shared a mutual fondness, laughs and banter, and used to speak with eyes when speaking with words were an unavailable option. School years went by and it was time for my friend to move onto university (they were 2 years older), we said we’d keep in touch and for a while we did. However we lost contact, only saying a quick hello at birthdays- they were only two days apart, but my friend was never far from my mind, they were too special. Although my friend and I shared similar ground, both living with a physical disability, we did not share much about our personal difficulties; maybe this was because we were caught up being teenagers, maybe they too big to express, or maybe they just escaped our minds for a while. One thing I didn’t know about my friend, at the time, is the extent of their condition: that it was life limiting. But maybe if I knew this, the friendship we had would have been different, maybe we just shared enough- in order for both of us to enjoy and benefit from the exchange. Recently my friend has passed away. To say the least, this was quite shocking. My friend was only 25 years old. They were at an age where most people at this age are trying to get a handle on adulthood, with some having freak-out moments of not being where they thought they would be. But, really, are these mind crippling thoughts worth it? Life is more than career, money, materialistic things-that eventually you grow tired of. The one question that we all should be asking ourselves is what makes us happy? As I write I wonder what thoughts my friend had. What did they think of peoples’ worries about the trivial things? Did they have thoughts which began ‘what I would do is’? What did they prioritise? A dominant question in my mind is, was my friend scared?

I feel guilty that l lost touch with them and didn’t let them know I was thinking them. I feel guilty that now it is too late to turn my thought -maybe I’ll send them a message- into an action. I hope this post connotes how much I did value the friendship we had.

These times of grieve and loss, are reminders that we have only now to live. It is now we can make changes. Now we can remove the negatives and focus on the positives and finding, or living, in our personal definitions of life. Most importantly it is now that we have to reach out the people we care about and build on our relationships’, don’t let it be too late to demonstrate how much you value others. There might not be tomorrow.

I am dedicating this post to my friend. A friend that has taught me not to take time for granted.

All my love XX