Woooo! It’s been a very long while since I wrote on here! In fact the last time I wrote on here we were transitioning from summer to autumn and now a whole other season has passed.
The reason. Well really, I have no excuse only to say that I’m not a very good juggler! But for a while now I have been itching to get back to blogging things and today is that day!
I want to write here, a few little notes for both you, and also I, to keep moving forwards or even to how we might go about being at ease with where we are- an underestimated thing and something I find personally hard to do. I tend to overly self-access looking for things I’ve missed or not executed as well as I should have or what’s next (attempting to ensure that the next thing leaves no room for errors). I know sometimes we can get ourselves in to a slump in one way or another and the other day I thought about what are those things that help me, and I wanted to write them here.
So, here goes (btw these.. ‘tips’ are just me thinking out loud- so use, don’t use, add remove or even ignore.)
Do more of what you love and reframe from internalizing ableism
A lot of us have a guilt thing around pleasure and feel like we need to ‘earn’ enjoyment. The contents of, and how much, enjoyment we ‘allow’ ourselves to have will be measured by how much we’ve ‘worked for it.’ We have become our own unnerving headteacher that everyone dreads (Matilda’s Mrs. Trunchball type).
As a disabled person who needs more time to do things day-to-day, I feel sometimes I should be doing twice as much in order to seek reward. Though we know this thinking is nonsense, playing into that ableist view, and that everyone goes at their own pace. So for those of us that identify as disabled or chronically ill this is a reminder to not chew on ableist words. You deserve, we deserve, just as many ‘nice’ moments as non-disabled people
It could be spending time with family and friends, exploring new places, reading a good book without thinking of what we could be doing or anything else that puts a smile on our hearts.
Comparison’s a thief
We don’t have to look far before we find that we are pitting ourselves against someone or something else doing something better, or leaves us, in whatever way, feeling less. I mean we all like to push ourselves and make improvements if we want. But it can also make us overly self-criticize, which can stop us on our tracks.
So how can we stop this? I don’t think there’s a definitive answer. But I do think a part of this is about being more aware when we are comparing ourselves and that the thing that we are comparing ourselves to something that is bigger and complex than what we are perceiving. Social media is a great example of comparing ourselves to someone else’s photos, status updates and snippets of their lives. But the same people also have parts that they choose not to share and are more than likely doing the same- comparing themselves to another person.
So we need to try to prevent ourselves from going down the rabbit hole and just remember that what we think is not the complete story and that everyone is just trying their best, including ourselves.
Connection is key
Humans are social beings. The amount of which will vary though, with each individual having their own unique social battery. Some peoples’ runs flat quickly if they socialize too much and need time away to charge, while other social batteries can be sustained and even be fueled by socializing.
I don’t want to sound greedy here, but I think I’m a bit of both. Sometimes i just need space and other times being with others is more than a want, but a need. I believe that perhaps our social battery is dependent on how and who we are spending it with.
No matter which way we flip I think that when we are not feeling our best a lot of us will turn to a trusted person or people in our lives and also when things are going well.
Loved ones can always energize me just by being with them…. I hope this can be the same for you too and if not let this be a reminder that it’s okay to step away and reconnect with yourself.
Get out of your own way!
Okay, this is another cliché but it true. We spend so much time thing about What ifs and worrying and talking ourselves out of things that in the time which we are doing all that, we could have done the things that we are putting off. This is a whole lot easier saying than actually doing, but by trying to be more of a doer we can break the habit of sabotaging ourselves. So before you completely talk yourself out of doing something-just go for it!
These are a few things that help me get out of my own head sometimes. I hope these can help you too.
All my love XX