Photography: @mermaiidmairead
Dear Readers
It has been such a long time since I have written a piece on here, just from me to you. I am really sorry for this. I have discovered that I am not good a multi-tasking, dipping between book and blogger writer mode, but I am learning lots through this!!! I hope though, that you are enjoying the Magic Mondays posts and Fabulous Ones stories- more to come soon!
Recently, I have been reminded by others about the importance of honesty and to tell your whole truth. With this I have learnt that in order to grow you have to let go or let people in. This is something that I am not good at and palm off any struggles, usually with “No worries, its fine” I think that is maybe a ploy to myself to think I’m all ‘a-okay.’ But going down this stream is a little unhealthy and instead of knocking down walls, I am protecting them. One of main messages that I tell you is to keep going and you will overcome your obstacles, but with this I am not sharing why this is to believed, nor my struggle not to give up, so how can I ask you to really believe in my words? And how can I really convince you that it is not some lines I nicked from a good old Disney classic-I have nothing against Disney btw in fact I am huge fan and up for a re-run anytime, just say when!!! I know I have told you parts of my story but I have always tried to put a positive spin on this and even though I have been honest with my words, I have not told you the other parts of my truth, so here goes.
We live in a world, especially here in the west, whereby the pace of life is so fast and we seem like we are forever catching up, take for example waiting for the internet to load on our phones/computers for a few seconds is just a little thing to get us fumed up. We are always planning our next step and not fully considering what we’re doing at a particular moment. And don’t get me even started on how, somewhat isolated we are also becoming with self checkouts being nearly everywhere now, ‘self’ depicting the way in which we are going. A few years ago I watched a documentary with Joanna Lumley (who I think is indeed absolutely fabulous) where she visited a hotel in which staff were replaced by robots- has life become that busy whereby people would rather check-in, go up to their rooms without passing the time of day with a stranger, or greet a familiar face when coming down to breakfast? ( I know we all race to the coffee machines in the mornings, but that is besides the point) yep, I am waffling again!
The thing is, I am also one of those people who lives or want to live in the fast lane sometimes, I think writing is the only time I zone out,,, I guess for me it almost a meditative-like thing. Cerebral Palsy means my muscles are a little uncoordinated and reaction times are a little slower –science in school did therefore did come in handy if it was to only clarify that, yes I do have delayed responses!!
I know life is not a race and we are all meant to go at different paces. I even posted on my Instagram a few months ago about just taking a breathe and being be present and I do stand by that, but sometimes I can lead myself down a rabbit hole and forget this. So for example writing out a text or an IG post may take me a bit longer to write out then hoped or being the last person to finish a meal (now this gets on my nerves for a whole other reason- I have the biggest sweet tooth but like mumma says ‘you gotta eat every last pea first’). Sometimes I get really irritated by my pace and wish could go a little faster. Even though my love affair with writing is forever, sometimes I get so frustrated if I am having a day where I am even more slow than usual, but in my mind I am two paragraphs ahead and also this laptop is meeting the wall, I have a feeling that won’t be helpful in the slightest!!
Verbalising these struggles is not the easiest thing to do and I think writing these as been one of the first times I have explained my thoughts. Perhaps subconsciously I have thought this would be complaining or just a bid to excuse myself, telling myself I am just being lazy. Thinking about this though acknowledging difficulties, is a form of acceptance and a way to not let it be so much of a battle that we are fighting up against.
The point of this post is to say that it is ok not to only show a smiley face to the world, we all face challenges and sometimes by sharing these we can help and encourage others as well as ourselves. Keeping a lid on our thought and emotion will only create an unwelcomed explosion.
All my love XX